Doc here with a 5-Star rated adult theater report from that crusty old sea dog himself, The Captain. As promised, he has dropped anchor in Hartford, CT and has favored us with a reading from his captain's log.
Take it away, Captain!
With the ice finally off the rivers and the Coast Guard having marked the navigation channels, it was time for The Captain to make his way up the Connecticut River to his favorite berth in downtown Hartford - Art's Cinema (255 Franklin St Hartford CT 06114).
It was a blustery Saturday late-afternoon when The Captain berthed the Wally Power Yacht - being early in the boating season I had my choice of docking spaces and I chose one furthest away from the clubhouse in anticipation of flying the party flag later that night.
255 Franklin St., Hartford, CT
Upon entering, it's $12 for admission and there is a wide selection of candy available for purchase for only $1-$2 ea. The upstairs balcony couples only seating is accessed by the staircase in the back of the theater - it has a nice setup for couples with a semi-private bathroom and some lockers to store personal items. It is couples only and any attempt by single guys to wander up there is caught quickly by the clerk monitoring the camera (there is a light beam sensor that alerts the clerk to comings and going) that is on the staircase area only - and the single guy is asked to leave the theater - no second chances. The main hallway also has a camera, but there are no cameras inside the couples area or in the main theater.
The first impression Art's Cinema makes is it's very clean. The Captain made his way into the theater area and down the wide hallway in the back to the men's room (again - clean). The men's room is VERY small - the captain's uniform shoulder boards didn't fit in between the dividers for the urinals. The Captain has a strange experience each time he heads to the latrine in this theater - he's followed by another male patron. The latrine is smaller than the one on The Captains yacht (2 people barely fit) so I'm not sure any action could take place even if it's desired. After taking careful aim to drain the bilge water, I headed into the theater.
After my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I counted about 20 guys from 20-70 years old seated around the theater. The Captain's timing was impeccable as the couples tend to arrive between 6-8pm on Fri and Sat nights and 3 couples came in during that window with a 4th arriving around 9:30pm. I'm not as good as Portland's Brent at describing the women but I'll try!
Couple #1 was in their 50's - she was quite drunk and together they both satisfied about 8 guys. She took frequent breaks to go upstairs to couples only area in the balcony, but came back just as quick as she left. A few of the regulars told me the couple frequented this theater. The Captain had a bad vibe on this scene and kept his powder dry.
Jada Pinkett Smith
At this point the Captain headed off for some live music and in search of a few friendly locals to help hoist that party flag. Stay tuned for Part 2 of this report coming up!