Adult Theater Primer


Doc here with a long-overdue primer on adult theater etiquette.  I wish I could take credit for the writing of it, but it's not of my doing. This piece was shared with me by Journal contributor The Gentleman Pervert, and was written by fellow blogger T.H. Barker

This Rules of Theater Sex piece is as close to perfection as I have encountered, and I am happy to share T.H. Barkers work with you.

Read it, share it. It's really good.

RULES FOR THEATER SEX
T.H. Barker


GENERAL:

1. An adult theater is an ANONYMOUS place, not a PRIVATE one. Do NOT got to an adult theater for PRIVACY. You WILL be seen - the one thing you cannot do is keep the other patrons from watching. And ANYTHING you're doing is more interesting to us, the other patrons, than what is on the screen. You should expect to be watched while you're being fondled (male or female). In fact, you should expect to draw a crowd of admirers! If it excites you, we're thrilled. If you don't want it to happen, rent a video and go home. DON'T expect us to ignore you.

2. Unless you are obviously having an AWFUL time, you will be approached at some point. Some couples come here looking for the attention of one or more anonymous males - we need to know whether you are in this group - especially since it is the one nearest and dearest to our hearts! Expect it! Deal with it properly! See the specifics below...

3. When you leave, you are likely to be followed by one or more of us who hope for a more comfortable interlude. A simple 'no' will suffice. No need to be nasty. On the other hand, you HAVE tried the fellow out - maybe he'll do...


LADIES:

1. You ARE a lady! We, the other patrons, do NOT think you are a slut! I've seen women worry about this on a number of occasions, and it is unfounded! To us, you are a fine lady who has graciously allowed us to experience your sexuality, at some level or another. We are grateful, and eager to assist, should you want it. It is our sincerest wish that you enjoy yourself thoroughly, and come back, again and again!

2. Looks and age mean nothing to us. It means nothing to us if you are hugely overweight, or sixty, or your breasts sag. You are a sexual being or you wouldn't be there, and we see you for the Venus you are; the fact that you are the type of brave soul who would bathe herself in sexual stimulation in our presence causes you to be precious to us beyond the effects of any surface blemishes you may have. You may get less attention, but you will not get NO attention. In fact, you can expect to be surrounded by male admirers from all points of the compass, vying to bask in the aura of your sensuality. Please treat this activity as such, not as an imminent attack. The last thing any of us wishes is to do you injury.

3. You are PERFECTLY SAFE here! You control things, and we will listen and abide by the wishes of you and your date. The only thing you have to fear is fear itself, as Winston Churchill once said. Should one of us be less than adept at the performance of whatever service you have been generous enough to allow him, either instruct the miscreant in the proper execution of the activity, or wave him off and have him replaced by another. You may grant or withhold your favors at will on an individual basis; the fact that you allow one of us to touch you does not grant a license to any other. Timidity is unnecessary, and will get in everybody's way. You OWN the place, as soon as you take your seat - act like it! Make your wants, needs, and restrictions known, clearly, and everyone will abide by them.

4. At some point in the evening, you will be touched by a strange male. He is asking you if he (we) may participate in your arousal. Expect it. Do not overreact. HE IS AS SCARED AND NERVOUS AS YOU ARE, but he is performing a valuable service by determining the depth of your interest. You can "just say no" and he (we) will withdraw from the fray. It may happen more than once. Sorry. We may assume that the first brave soul did not pique your interest, or a late arrival may not get the word. But if that's what you really want, we'll stay away.

5. There will NOT be a gang bang! Theater seats do not allow for it. The only way that you will enjoy more than the attention of three or four extra pairs of hands touching your body is if you go to some effort to assist in the operation and your man actively supports it.

6. YOU grant access to your charms. Your man controls it, but you grant it. We WILL take "No" for an answer, but you may have to repeat yourself. The best thing you can do is to be very clear about your wants, needs and limits. We want you to get every sensation you want out of the experience - and none that you don't!

7. One or more of us may expose themselves to you. Let's face it, a good deal of masturbation goes on here, and you're going to be a major SOURCE of entertainment, as well as being a recipient! Some ladies like it - after all, it's a compliment, after a fashion, and it may increase your arousal to observe this person and examine his 'equipment', which may differ markedly from you man's. If you don't, don't look. Wave him off, if you must. No need to get excited about it. You may see homosexual activity. Most of us are NOT really homosexuals - we're merely highly sexed men without any outlets. The fact that YOU are getting so much attention should be a dead giveaway. You have entered a haven for the sexually desperate, and we are doing what we must to get some kind of satisfaction. We're sorry if you're offended. Help us, if you can.

8. Realize that while we have no interest in hurting you or making you unhappy, we are NOT your man. He has all the time in the world to wine you and dine you and make you feel special. We have ONE SHOT, in the dark, and we're going to push your limits, just to find out what they are. Understand this activity for what it is and be firm but forgiving. Review rule #3. If you can avoid surrendering to quite unreasonable fear and assert yourself, you're going to have an incredible experience. Anything less will cause you to miss out.

9. You're as free as you want to be. If you just want to be touched on the leg, no problem. If you just want to be watched, no problem. If you want to have literally every erogenous zone you possess simultaneously stimulated, no problem! We will do what you want. We're happy, literally thrilled, with any crumbs you care to scatter. Just because you give your man the whole shooting match does not mean we expect it. We may ask, but we'll accept your answer. The absolute minimum that you should expect is that several of us will watch avidly from the surrounding seats, which should be no surprise. We WILL limit ourselves to this, if it is your wish, without complaint, and applaud your efforts vociferously. To us, you are living proof that some women REALLY DO like sex, and that makes you a precious commodity.


MEN:

1. DON'T take your lady to an adult theater if you're jealous, or prone to violent reaction to other males! It's a public place! If you want to fondle your lady in private, take her somewhere private! If, on the other hand, you or your lady get a thrill out of seeing and being seen at sexual activity, this is the place for you!

2. DON'T take your lady to an adult theater if she can't handle it (or you) in public! If she sits there the whole time looking scared, embarrassed, and disgusted, you're probably in the wrong place. We're saddened for you. Take her home before you damage your relationship. Set expectations before you arrive (That's what this document is for! Get her to read it, if possible!) HINT: If she won't have sex with YOU with the lights on, chances are she will be uninterested in attending an adult theater...

3. Be vigilant, but do NOT overreact! Raise a finger at the miscreant, and say "No!" That's REALLY all it takes! In the unlikely event he is an idiot, there are undoubtedly six other guys in the vicinity who will be happy to break both of his arms for you. We're all very pleased that you have chosen to share your lady's favors with us, and will be happy to support YOU, not HIM, in an effort to see to it that you bring her back!

4. Control of the situation is in YOUR hands, from the outset. We will listen to your lady, but we, like you, we hope she will change her mind. YOU should be proactive, setting limits and enforcing them. At the point where she grants access to the first guest, there will be a rush to join in. Control things, RIGHT THEN, or she will be overwhelmed. No one wants to hurt her, but we're male, too, and we all stupidly rush to get in on things. Pick out one or two contestants (hopefully including that fellow who bravely opened the door) and wave the others off. They'll settle back to watch. You may have to reinforce it periodically, but that's ok. Think about it - you'd be pushy, too! If things get out of hand (this will be a perception on her part, not reality - she continues to be perfectly safe) and your lady gets scared and decides it is time to leave, it's YOUR fault! YOU didn't control things, keeping them at a comfortable level for her.

5. If you're bi and want attention, too, someone will offer to take care of it if you're clear about it. We probably won't want to embarrass you or reveal a possible secret in front of your lady, so you will need to be clear...


GOOD IDEAS:

1. Sit with her one or (at most) two seats in from the aisle, and him on the other side. Most couples figure this out instinctively. This allows an approach, but limits numbers. It also gets you far enough from the aisle that we aren't tempted to stand there. On the other hand, if you're truly comfortable with the environment, sit right down front so she can get all the attention she wants... In the seats, masturbation is the effective limit of activity that can be provided to her, although she may deign to deliver a little fellatio; she may be touched all over, but sex is difficult unless she rides your lap. Down front, cunnilingus is possible, along with actual penetration, if that is her wish.

2. Wear clothes that are conducive to the level of contact you are looking for. Jeans work really well if she wants virtually nothing, but are a pain if/when she changes her mind. A skirt, on the other hand, with or without panties... Perhaps she will want to go braless. If he is expecting to get some attention, either from her or from others, loose shorts or sweatpants seem to be a good idea.

3. Try to avoid mixed messages. The sooner everyone understands what you are attempting to accomplish, the sooner everyone can settle back and have fun! If he is sitting there glaring at all comers and she is sitting with her knees together and her hands crossed over her breasts, it will be difficult for us to determine that you want us to participate in your experience! Relax! Kiss, fondle, enjoy yourselves! When (not if!) the overture occurs, accept or deny the attention as is your will, without making a scene, and we can all get on with whatever level of participation you have granted us, be it mere observation, or something more. Nothing is more frustrating that having one or both of you giving off 'forbidden' signals, only to discover as you rise to leave that you wanted help...