Doc here with a second perspective on Kitty's amazing Bukkake Blast event last Friday at the Oregon Theater in Portland y The Duke of Pearl. Plus, I believe this is the first Flash Report I have published that starts with song lyrics.
How far we have come at The Journal...
Here is Duke's report on the "Blast":
***
Kitty’s Pearl Necklace
by The Duke of PearlShe was gettin’ bombed,
and I was getting’ blown away.She held it in her hand
and this is what she had to say:
‘A pearl necklace’.
She wanna pearl necklace.She wanna pearl necklace.
ZZ TOP
I’d been reading the internet hoopla about Kitty’s gala ‘Blast Bukkake’ for several weeks and I kept trying to decide if I really wanted to attend. It seemed like it might be too well attended and therefore difficult to get close enough to the action. It would be sort of like watching a boxing match from the rafters of the arena. Better to stay home and watch it on TV if you really wanted to see the fight.
My neighbor, Ed, made the decision for me. July 15th was Ed’s 86th birthday. He knocked on my door with the handle of his cane early that morning and over coffee he begged me to take him to the ‘Blast’ that night.
“I’ve never seen one before,” he pleaded. “I don’t want to go by myself, and I figured for sure you’d be going so I’m inviting myself along. You never know, Duke, it might be my last chance,” he shamelessly begged.
Old Ed was overjoyed when I agreed to take him. We live in Portland’s Pearl District across the hall from each other on the 8th floor of a high-rise condo. When he knocked on my door at 8:30 that evening he stood there in his vintage London Fog rain coat, circa 1949. We rode the elevator to the parking garage and drove away in my car. As we started across the Burnside Bridge to the east side, he announced with an evil little grin, “I’m not wearing any pants, Duke.” I looked down in the darkness of my car and sure enough I could see his skinny, veiny white legs and he was wearing white socks with bedroom slippers. He certainly was dressed for the occasion.
“Guess what else, Duke. I ain’t wearing no underwears either!” He pulled aside the flap of his overcoat to prove it but I took his word for it and didn’t look. “Hee, hee, hee!” Ed laughed with the unabashed glee of a 14 year old.
This promised to be quite a night as I wondered about the wisdom of taking Ed to this gala event. In about 15 minutes I slowly drove by the Oregon Theater on SE Division and SE 35th to check out the scene.
“Are we there already?” Ed asked in surprise. “I thought it would take us longer. I need to get ready!” I saw him slip his hand under his coat and pull out his limp old dick and start beating it in a panic.
“Whoa!” I said. “Wait ‘til we get inside. You’ll have plenty of time for that.”
Ed wasn’t listening and by now he had it out and was stroking it furiously. This time I raised my voice and said, “Ed! Put that thing away before you hurt somebody.”
I found a parking place about two blocks away and Ed and I started walking to the theater through a residential neighborhood. Ed had a gimpy leg and dragged his left foot as he walked. Every time his foot dragged, his trench coat would flash open and show his surprisingly long old dick. I was just hoping we’d get there before a cop cruised by. And then sure enough, a police cruiser slowly approached and one of the officers waggled his finger at us and gave us a stern look. Any other city in America and Ed would still be in jail for indecent exposure. As we walked along Ed asked me if there would be any fluffers there. I told him that, “yes of course there’d be fluffers to help him get ready. Now calm down!”
“Good! I want a young one with big tits!” he said. Ed had more energy than I’d ever seen him have. I just hope he wasn’t going to be disappointed.
I paid for our admission and Ed insisted that he would repay me when we got back home. I said something about it being his birthday and ‘consider it a gift.’ We walked into the screening room and of course Ed went blind in the darkness. I told him to take off his raincoat and get comfortable then I helped him over to the nearest couch and sat him down. I told him he could play with his cock all he wanted but don’t cum too fast or you’ll miss the bukkake party. I said I was going to go cruise around and would be back soon. He asked me to send a fluffer over and I said, “Don’t worry Ed, a fluffer will find you.” As I walked away I heard him grumble something about it being “so fucking dark he couldn’t even find his own dick.”
It was about 8:45 as I made a slow tour of the theater. There were perhaps 50 guys strolling around or sitting on the couches and easy chairs. At about 9 PM I heard Kitty’s cheerful voice in the lobby as she schmoozed the recent arrivals hanging around out there. There was a steady onslaught of new guys entering the screening room. At 9:15 Kitty walked in and skipped down the aisle toward the set giggling and babbling away. Half the men followed her as if she was the Pied Piper. I glanced across the theater to check on my friend Ed. A fluffer had found him just as I predicted. Only problem was it was a guy! I figured his tired old eyes still hadn’t adjusted and he had no idea who was sucking his cock.
Kitty’s friend and agent, Caesar, began to fill us in on the few simple rules, mostly having to do with protocol and common sense. The idea was to stand around at reasonably close range and get yourself ready to blast your load on Kitty’s face or chest. Kitty was wearing a see-through black negligee and dared not to wear safety eyewear! What a trooper! The readiest, randiest of men got to stand in the inner circle until they shot their jizz wad on Kitty and then they were expected to move away and let the next horn-dawg in. As for myself, I was about three deep in the crowd but suddenly felt the urge and said rather loudly, “Ohhh fuck, clear the way boys I’m going in!” The wall opened and I got there just in time to shoot a pent up load of pearls on her chest just above the scoop in her neckline---a perfectly executed string of pearls! Spent and sore-petered I backed out of the front line and dissolved suddenly disinterested into the penis gallery of limp dicks.
By now there were probably 100+ in paid attendance and still they came. Kitty’s publicity machine had done its job.
I gathered up Ed who was spent too and we headed for the Pearl District. Ed asked me on the way home if I had noticed if his fluffer had big tits. “The bitch wouldn’t let me touch them, but Duke, I’m telling you; I’ve never had a better blow job. Never!”
So…Ed was another year older and non the wiser, Kitty had a fine string of natural (not cultured) pearls, and all was well on the east side.
As for the future of bukkake, the beat goes on.
-The Duke of Pearl
Dr. Lizardo, Ed insists on writing a postscript to this report and he wanted to type it himself. Here it is in his own words:
Does anyone know the name of the movie they were showing?It was one of the finest films I have seen since TITANIC! I wanted to stay until the exciting climax but The Duke would not hear of it. Guesses it was past his bed time. What an asshole!
Edward
***
Thanks Duke and Ed for the report and postscript. If anyone knows what film was being shown at The Oregon that night, you can let The Good Doctor know and I will get it back to the Duke. I'm sure "Butt Bangers #117" is not far off though...
I am still in dire need of adult theater reports, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Just e-mail Boris Karloff The Good Doctor at emiliolizardo1@gmail.com. I will format and edit your report, and you get the glory.
Try it!
Thanks,
Doc