Doc here, a man who some say once wrestled a tray of stuffed manicotti away from a komodo dragon sometime in early 1990, with a very cool Field Report from first time contributor Hugh Mungus.
Mr. Mungus (Hugh to his friends and sex partners) has submitted a GREAT Field Report breaking down Aurora, Colorado's Mon Chalet, a legendary location in this thing of ours. And by the sound of things, Hugh (Mr. Mungus to his H&R Block representative) has enjoyed all that Mon Chalet can offer.
Without further ado, pop open a Fresca (Hi Gemini!), and enjoy the song stylings of Hugh Mungus.
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MON CHALET: The Report
Dearest Doctor:
For years, your peerless posts have provided me prurient petrol with which to power my profligate penis across the 50 states in search of sex. As such, I felt it was time to return the favor. What follows is a road report — modestly submitted — as I depart Denver, Colorado:
It was the worst 26 seconds of her life…
For me, only the day I'd been born was more monumental!
Removing my turgid timber from the porn princess, I cogitated, "I can't get laid to save my soul in a singles bar…and I bartend!"
Yet, here I was ― more bare than Vin Diesel's head ― hopping from XXX actress, to horny housewife, to PTA mom, with the door to Room 8 flung wide. Outside — a mere 10 feet away — a gaggle of gorgeous gals watched. Centennial State Sun caressed my balls through the open ingress, while I humped this torrid trio — less rhythm in my motions than a dancing, obese, one-legged, white CPA seizing violently. (ed. note: !)
"Is this really happening?!" I ruminated.
Of course it is! This is the Mon Chalet (MC), baby…and it's a slow day. Was the above mythical embellishment? If not, what is this legendary locale known as the Mon Chalet?
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| Mon Chalet, Aurora, CO |
In pithy parlance, the MC is a swing motel — featuring 19 retro rooms — attached to an aquatic arena, where folks hangout nude, and fuck, as the rest of society enslaves itself at "work."
Although I no longer reside in Colorado, I was a frequent flier at the Mon Chalet ― Big Boobs Beach, Orgasm Ocean, Pussy Peninsula, etc. ― for the 12 years I lived in Denver. During that interim, I frequented said swing shack at least once a week; twice, when I could afford it. That's well over 600 trips to Lust Lagoon. Hence, I can easily attest this fuck facility is one of the best in the States. When you combine a clothing-optional environment with a pool, dueling hot tubs and an orgy bed, you're not just asking for sex, you're screamin' for it!
I haven't visited every hump haven across the United States, but have hit perhaps 75 in my travels. Thus, I confess — with considerable credibility — the Mon Chalet is one of the best places to severely screw in the continental U.S. If you wanna carve notches into your bedpost — to the point you're left with nothing but a toothpick — spend time at the MC.
Many an evening I've limped away from Clit Canal ― the Sun scorching my eyes, as it rose ― having played with half a dozen ladies or more. For 12 years, I Iived a live porn, mostly thanks to the Mon Chalet.
Denver does have a strong swing scene, but only so long as the MC stays open. Owner Mel has concocted a superlative, salacious soup for the past four decades, in what locals refer to as the Mon. Although Scarlet Ranch ― another Denver area intercourse institution ― can be fun, it'll dig deeply into the single male's bank account, to the tune of $80 on a Sunday, $200 every Saturday.
Such is not the case with Loin Lake, as dorky dudes can frequent the Mon Chalet ― seven days a week, from 11 AM to 4 PM ― for $35 a trip. That matinee fee provides you access to the pool area. Should you be invited back to a room, or rooms, your paltry entrance payment will gain you admittance there, as well.
If you uncover the always revered single señorita — via AFF, a Craigslist Cruise, SLS or otherwise — hit the MC on a couples pool pass, any night, for no more than $40. When you stumble outta those hallowed halls — having humped a dirty dozen — you'll be kicking yourself for not discovering this place sooner.
Comprehend, Mon Chalet ― like any other dissolute dive ― has its slow times. Hit the Torrid Tub on a Monday afternoon, and you may experience what we colloquially refer to as the Man Chalet ― 15 nude dudes strokin', porn playin' on four projector-sized screens, and not a tactile titty in sight. As painful as this scenario sounds, just return again another day ― or evening, if you wrangle a lascivious lass ― and perform a Triple Lindy into Round Two.
As far as matinees are concerned, Saturdays are perpetually the busiest. Such stated, any day can be a fuckfest at Wanton Waterway.
On the stud scale, I'm low on the totem pole, tenuously sharing the second to last spot with Screech from Saved By the Bell. That stated, I've played with over 1,200 women, in aggregate, during my trips to the MC. From a Native American butch lesbian to strippers; from Born Again Christians to gorgeous, glistening BBW; from homeless honies to licentious librarians, I've managed to fuck my way through the population of a small town at the Mon Chalet.
Add a dash of congeniality, and you'll make all kinds of acquaintances at the MC. Quite often, these concupiscent colleagues will hook you up with even further fine fillies via local house soirees, Rocky Mountain Parties bashes, motel gang bangs, etc., etc., etc.
Yeah, the Mon Chalet is one of the last bastions where a person can simply fuck, and truly live like Ron Jeremy, without this ass-backwards paradigm crushing you to the point of oblivion.
Book your flights to Denver quickly. Hopefully the MC will be around for many more years, but that ol' government is rapidly encroaching. The Conoco next door was recently demolished, a Brent's Place ― for pediatric cancer patients ― is being constructed contiguous, and Compramos Oro across the street has been unceremoniously transformed into a vacant lot. Medical facilities are big business these days, and they're springing up all around the Mon Chalet like unrelenting weeds. My guess is the city would rather have a toxic waste dump in its confines than a screw shanty like the MC.
When you do hit the Mon Chalet, tip the lovely lasses in the front office well, and be generous to the cleaning ladies, also. The folks at Blowjob Bay toil assiduously to make your experience there something you'll cherish.
The Mon Chalet is located in Aurora, Colorado — a sizable suburb of Denver — at:
12033 East Colfax Avenue
Aurora, Colorado 80010-2819
Feel free to contact the MC front desk at:
(303)364-2643
or visit their Website at:
www.mon-chalet.com
If you'd care for further erudition regarding the Mon Chalet — or other adult venues in the Mile High City — please don't hesitate to get a hold of me at: longlivenuno@aol.com
I'm happy to help.
Humbly,
Hugh Mungus
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Doc here again... Wow, what a report! 5-Stars and AAA Trip Tik to the Clit Canal for you, Hugh (Mr. Mungus to other adult web sites)! Informative, funny, and it hits our objective (after reading the report, I want to go there post haste). A great start to his perv journalism career!
Keep the cards and letters coming, sir!
Thanks,
Doc