Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Last Minute Gift Idea! The Journal of Adult Theaters Monopoly! The New Trickiest Game in Town!

(Copyright 2016 - The Journal of Adult Theaters)
Doc here, a man who some say appeared as "Drippy the Elf" in the ABC After School Special "Why is that Elf Staring at My Wife?" from 1988. 

It's crunch time for Christmas shopping, and your old friend in the white suit and aviators is here with a last-minute gift idea: "Dr. Emilio Lizardo's Journal of Adult Theaters Monopoly"!  Why be bored to tears with the same old Monopoly?  Why not navigate yourself around the game board visiting current notable adult theaters in the trickiest game in town?

First off, no run of the mill game pieces to move around from theater to theater.  No more cannons, irons, shoes, etc. Your new tokens include: a dildo, a wall with a hole in it, a trench coat, a box of wet wipes, a strip of condoms, and a Tide Stick (for getting out stains). 

Now you are ready to navigate the food chain of adult theaters. Want to buy Circle Cinema in Wichita, KS?  Just 20 bucks. Want to buy The Art Cinema in Hartford?  That'll cost ya, Sparky. 

What if I land on something other than an adult theater?

  • Land on "Pull a Train"?  Collect $200 bucks and get in line.  
  • Land on "Video Booth"?  Fork over $10 in tokens and keep feeding the machine until your next turn. 
  • Land on "Chance Visit"? That theater has no announcement system - Visit at your own risk. 
  • Land on "Chest Card"? Everyone loves chests, and you may get a peak at one inside an adult theater.
This edition covers currently open adult theaters.  Our next edition of "Dr. Emilio Lizardo's Journal of Adult Theaters Monopolycovers legendary adult theaters that are now gone, but not forgotten. This includes The Paris & Jefferson Theatres in Portland, The Monroe in Rochester, The Buford Twin Highway Cinemas in Atlanta, The Palm in Sacramento, The Pilgrim in Boston, The Capri Art in Buffalo, and many more.

Don't be late to the gang bang party! Pick up "Dr. Emilio Lizardo's Journal of Adult Theaters Monopoly" at your local retailer. And tell them Doc sent you...


PS.  Want a high res PDF of the Monopoly board?  Just e-mail me direct at emiliolizardo1@gmail.com and I will shoot one over to you.  Thanks!