Thursday, September 22, 2011

Flash Report: Brent Tip Toes in Tampa (But Still Longs For Portland)

Doc here with a special treat for you, the good readers of The Journal.  Let me pose the hypothetical question: What if Brent (widely acknowledged as the premier adult theater reporter in the country) ventured from his backyard of Portland, OR and traveled to Tampa (the former #1 adult theater city in the country)?  Would the universe implode?  Would dogs and cats live together?

The answer follows below... If this were the board game "Clue", this could be titled "Brent, in Tampa, with his reporters notebook".

Take it away, sir...

I've always admired Archie Bell of Archie Bell and The Drells ( The Houston Drells, not to be confused with The Southampton Drells),  because he learned how to dance before he could walk.  After a successful music and dance career, Mr. Bell went on to become a  plastic surgeon. His specialty was reconstructive vaginal procedures.("Tighten up on that organ, now,").

I recently had an opportunity to visit two Tampa adult theaters famous in "this thing of ours': Fantasyland I and Fantasyland II. The parking lot was full at Fantasyland I the Saturday I visited. A group of men and women were leaving when I pulled up and soon a parking spot opened up.

I parked and walked into the building, past a sign that explained that I was entering an establishment where sexually explicit acts were being depicted and if I didn't like that, not to come in. There was also a warning to Law Enforcement, that based on recent reports, has not deterred constant harassment of both Fantasylands by the local constabulary. I thought to myself, "They probably think  I'm a cop. Fat, white hair, hard brown shoes, dark blue slacks,  jelly doughnut stain on my shirt and a bulge in my pocket." "But, on the other hand, I'm too pale to be a Tampa cop so maybe they are giving me the stink eye because I'm just another single guy."

Fantasyland I
4715 Lois Ave, Tampa
Both Fantasylands were super clean and super couples friendly theaters. They featured theaters spaces with easy to maintain Lay Z Boy type couches and recliners and lots of themed private rooms off to the side. Think Disco, Night Club atmosphere.  Most of the patrons were experienced veterans of adult theater sex and there was a lot of going back and forth between the two theaters. Once inside the theater, there was a lot of going in and out until a couple came in and then everybody returned and positioned themselves near the couple.

One well dressed black couple at Fantasyland I drew a lot of attention. She was tall, shapely and wore a slinky dress that clung to her body. They stood in the main theater and  kissed and caressed each other. Whenever this one old Hank Hill type guy came near they would move away from him until he finally got the message and left them alone. They let other men stand near and she was checking them out. Some had their dicks out. Finally, a guy who was in a private room opened his door, talked to them for a minute and all three of them disappeared back inside. Not long afterwards, the couple left and then the guy left. My  guess is that, whatever they had planned, did not happen.

Fantasyland II
5006 N. Grady, Tampa
There were a lot of other couples at both theaters on Saturday but I never saw any theater action in the main rooms, only a flash of leg here or a glimpse of tit there. I saw two tourist couples go into one of the fantasy rooms, joke and talk and watch the movie like they had never done anything like that before. We could hear their conversation in the main theater. The guys wanted to leave but the ladies wanted to stay and watch the movie. Gradually there was less  giggling and nervous talking and more quiet rustling of four people having sex together in an adult theater for the first time. Sometimes I just have to use my imagination.

I saw a sexy,beautiful dark haired Asian lady, completely naked,when her husband opened the door to their private room to let one guy, who had just fucked her, out, and let the next guy, who was about to fuck her, in. She was solid with a great set of tits that stood up and out on her small sexy frame.  They had a certain preference in their men and I did not fit the description so I did not get invited. At least I could hear her scream in ecstatic pain while she was getting fucked.

That was the way it was for most of the couples at the Fantasyland Theaters, this past Saturday. Almost all of them were good looking and dressed to play. Their men guided them through the maze.  They would start off in the main theater, watch the movie and get comfortable, show a little skin, but nothing illegal and when the right guy inevitably came along, they would grab a private room and commence to fucking and sucking, safely out of sight of Barney Fife. Unfortunately, that didn't do me any good.. I enjoy watching women who enjoy showing off and having sex in adult theaters  or other semi public locations.  I could hear them having sex but I could not see them. I wanted some couples to come in  and get wild in the main theater just like the good old days. I had a feeling that I wasn't the only one wishing for that.

Meanwhile, back in Portland, I could see the flags of sexual freedom for all, flying over the towers of The Paris Theater.   



Doc here again...Thanks again to the poet laureate of this thing of ours, Brent in Portland, for another fantastic report.  No one does this the way he does, and we are lucky to have him reporting from the trenches on the front line of adult theaters not only in Portland, by elsewhere.