Saturday, May 11, 2013

The Big Shield's To Protect and To Serve Tour: Part 2 - "A Fauna Thing Happened on the Way to Vegas"

Doc here with Part 2 of The Big Shield's To Protect and To Serve Tour of adult theaters and ABSs across this great land. 
 
In this report, the target is Las Vegas. The road however was bumpy, and featured an uninvited guest.
 
Take it away, sir.
 
***
 
Hey Doc,
 
As stated before, THE BIG SHIELD to Serve and Protect Tour would continue onwards with recons to theaters in the Las Vegas area on May 7th in advance of trips planned for later in the summer.  As I start this report from just under 36,000 feet up in the friendly skies from somewhere within the contiguous United States, I'm thinking that you never know in this thing of ours what you are going to see or experience or whom you might meet. I didn't hold out much hope that a Tuesday afternoon visit to any one of the three theaters that I am contemplating on visiting will produce anywhere near the fun that I experienced last Thursday at Xposed in the Big D (sidebar to N2Mischief - cum and experience the TBS Serve and Protect Tour making an comeback to Xposed on Memorial Day evening around 8ish).  
 
Fast forward two days to Thursday were. I sit in the forever present Starbucks - sponging, as we all do, on their free wireless connection for the mere cost of a cup of coffee and bang out the report that are now reading.
 
The original plan was to land in my destination (Salt Lake City) on Tuesday for a quick Wednesday morning business meeting and then fly back to my little hole in the universe known as parts unknown.  
 
Having been mistakenly told that it would be a 4 hour drive not freaking 400+ mile drive, I anticipated making my way down I-15 to Vegas by the early afternoon.  However, now knowing that it would take 6 hours rather than four (each way - as in a full half a day - literally) I seriously considered sitting this recon out.  However, within about 30 minutes of driving around SLC (this being my first time ever being here) there was no way that I was about to spend a complete day here - I'm not Karl Malone LOL.  
 
So, off I foolishly went.  Nature was calling me to check out the Vegas area in advance of a golf outing with some college friends including the friend that got married (still is married) in Nashville nearly 25 years ago when I was introduced to this thing.
 
The Big Shield's Guest
Well as nature was calling me, nature truly called because as I got into about an hour of my drive from SLC, nature called for a deer/moose/elk (not exactly sure as it was bigger than any deer I've seen in my life, moose are present in Utah but I couldn't make out the antlers and it could have been an elk - at any rate it was big as hell) to cross the highway and run right into the side of the Serve and Protect cruiser - thank goodness I had full insurance on the rental.  Nature was calling both of us, but unfortunately neither of us made our port of call on Tuesday (Vegas for the Shield or the other side of I-15 for the big fella who hobbled back from whence he came).  As I said earlier, you never know what you may experience or what's going to happen in this thing of ours.
 
Early Wednesday morning my meeting was pushed back a full day so once again I had to decide what to do with an entire day - and a day to the Mormon Temple was not on the agenda.  Equipped with a new tour cruiser and a full day, I decided again to make a go at Vegas --- and this time I made it.  
 
The plan was to visit 3 theaters and report back my findings and plan to incorporate the good stops into my summer golf outing.  I ended up going to all 5 brands listed in the database: [all addresses in the database ARE valid] Adult Superstore, Adult World, Deja Vu, Fantasy World, and Main Street B&V.  Spoiler alert - I didn't go to all five establishments because I couldn't get enough, I went to all five because I could not believe that Vegas was as weak and lame as it struck me.  I mean after all it is known as Sin City and it happened to be hump day for crying out loud.  
 
First Stop - Main Street B&V
Main Street
Books & Video
ABS with booths and theater.  When I arrived there was a very attractive lady with her guy buying toys for a party away from the store.  The staff did not seem overly excited or accommodating (nothing that they did - just the vibe inside).  There was no one in the booths ($8 minimum posted on the turnstile - I didn't go to the booths, I just paid $9 for the theater and went in.  There are 2 theaters - one is str8 and the other is always playing some derivative of gay (bi, shemale, lesbian, gay).  The theaters are not really theaters but rather 2 rooms with a tv on the wall.  
 
There were about 6 guys between the two theaters, myself not included -- all present except for The Big Shield had someone elses cock in their hand and/or their mouth.  If It's not NYC's or Coney Island's Nathan's Hot Dog's - I'm not having it.....so off to next theater I went.
 
Stop #2 - Deja Vu and their newly franchised Love Store.
DOA!!! at 4:30-5pm - How dead? NO one was even on the traditional stripper side of the establishment.  Absolutely no one in the regular  store (which is freaking huge) except for the 2 clerks working the registers.  The store is so big that the clerks literally canmot call each other out loud and have a conversation from the two furthest walls as some of the words/meanings are bound to be cancelled by white noise.  
 
The store has 2 theaters and several booths (the booths only takes one dollar bills and they tell everyone verbally - per the clerk - and taped on each door seemingly in the store "Deja Vu will not refund any money for malfunctioning machines".  Seems like a casino inside - put your money in, nothing comes out, play at you own risk because there are no refunds - LOL.
 
The theaters (1 straight, 1 gay) cost $10 for universal access.  The entry fee is good for 8 hours with in and out privileges, and up to 4 additional hours at one of the other Deja Vu locations in Vegas past you 8 hour original window.  Nothing happening so this visit lasts all of about eight and a half minutes.....keep it movin' is TBS's motto - so onwards......
 
Stop #3 - Adult Superstore (visited 2 different stores) 
The Adult Superstore like many other Vegas adult entertainment establishments are chain stores, similar but not identical.  The Adult Superstore on the 3000 block of Tropicana (the one in the database with the actual Tropicana address) does in fact have 2 theaters upstairs as well as booths, but the other stores are 1 floor gigs with only booths.  
 
The clerk at the AS with the theater was very nice, I talked to her a bit and she she let me check out the theater for free to see if I wanted to pay ($10) and stay.  There are two rooms connected with 2 tvs on opposite walls per room (4 movies showing - all varieties).  
 
There were 3 guys choking chicken so I decided to go back and talk with the clerk a bit more and be delinquent on that rent. She told me that there has been a real down tick in couples - more out of town folks visiting than locals and typically when you see an out of town couple or two it's on the weekend.  Side note - there are no gloryholes in Las Vegas.  Doors must be removed, have an window so that folks can look in, or doors must have the bottom half removed (also checked 3 ABS that lacked theaters on Wednesday and it was more of the same).  Motto - boys and girls? - Keep it movin, so I did.
 
Stop #4 - Adult World
Adult World
Adult World is dingy and grey and it reeked of past glory days that walls are clinging to for dear life.  Clearly this place is a less than savory area has the maximum amount of seediness that puts you and your senses at the state of "this is really too seedy for me but the fun is raw, raunchy, and memorable"  I'm sure that when there is fun to be had in Vegas, it is most likely to be in this uninhibited locale.  There are two theaters (straight and not) and admission is $7 with local  in and out privileges (you can't theater hop and come back hours later).  The booths are of the 'missing lower half of door variety'.  The clerk was very friendly and admitted that they only got couples on the weekends and they are most likely to be locals.. With 7 or 8 guys (based on cars outaide) in the theater I had no desire to check out the seating arrangement or the quality of the actual theater.....let's just say my many years of experience tell me that it was likely to be as outdated and as seedy as the rest of the store.  Boys and girls?  That's correct - Let's keep it moving.
 
Stop #5 - Fantasy World (actually in Henderson not Las Vegas Proper).
Pretty clean standard ABS with a dual theaters and standard booths (no gloryholes - but with full doors and most without windows), But there is a $2 charge to just go into the booth area.  I suspect it is to ensure that they are making money off of the guys that loitering and waiting on another's third leg to play with.  Theaters which cost $10  (2 - more of the same) are actually 2 rooms side by side with about 6 cheap Walmart quality plastic chairs lining the walls in each room and a bunch of open space to play if there is someone there of your ilk to play with.  The clerk told me that couples do come and play but it was hit or miss (I suspect much much much more miss than hit).  But when I asked him were there any couples in the theater he stated that he wasn't "allowed to tell".  Of course, finishing my recon I paid the rent and went in.  I sat in the straight theater minding my own business with arms folded - not sure if there is any other overt action that a man that only believes in splitting in half woman that happen to be born in that form can make it known that screams WRONG TREE!.
 
At any rate, I went to the bathroom which was surprisingly clean and conveniently located right in the straight theater.  when I came back out several of the guys were gone.  I went back to my seat then I heard gag, gag "oh I'm cumming" out of the other theater.  No one came out of that theater so I assumed that it was the movie.  Then I hear it again (in general) and while I'm hearing this one of the guys that had disappeared reappears out of the room zipping up and headed for the rest room.  I start to think that maybe one of the ladies that were with their guys in the bookstore came back and were servicing.  So I step over to the other theater and what do we have? The wrong tree barker on his knees.  Boys and girls? HELL YEAH - KEEP IT MOVING!!!!!
 
So my recon of Vegas taught me the following: if traveling there bring your own fun (kit and caboodle), the Sin City moniker doesn't mesh with the city's "thing of ours" scene, and finally plan to play a lot of rounds of golf when I'm there this summer because I not a gambler I'm a 'fuck (h)er' and "her" ain't there.

Well Doc this report is being sent to you courtesy of paid GoGo in flight as I fly back to parts unknown.  The tour continues tomorrow (Friday, May 10th) with a possible surprise visit to a popular bookstore here.  And tell the readers in the Memphis area that the cruiser will be parking along Beale Street Sunday evening.  

Until next time, may The Big Shield be with her, whomever she may be.

TBS
 
***
 
Doc here again... First of all, we are glad that The Big Shield is safe and sound, and was not taken out by The Abominable Moose. Secondly (and sadly), Las Vegas continues to disappoint on the adult theater scene. When going to Vegas, your best bets are the on-premises clubs like The Green Door, The Power Exchange, or The Red Rooster. White theaters are plentiful in Vegas, patrons are not.
 
Part 3 of The Tour is coming soon...
 
Thanks,
Doc